Wedding Speech Tips: Keep It Short, Keep It Kind

Ah, the wedding speeches. The bit of the day where someone clinks a glass, the room goes quiet, and a grown man who has faced down board meetings and tax returns suddenly forgets how paper works.

I've filmed and photographed a lot of speeches at weddings across Suffolk, Norfolk and Essex. Some have had the whole room in tears (the good kind). Some have had the whole room checking their watches. So here's my slightly cheeky, entirely well-meant guide to getting them right.

First things first: speeches aren't for everyone, and that's absolutely fine. If your dad would rather walk over hot coals than stand up in front of 120 people, don't make him. If your best friend wants to say a few words but your brother doesn't, let them. Nobody should be forced into it. A nervous, reluctant speech isn't fun for the person giving it or the people listening, and there's no rule saying you have to have any at all.

Who gives the wedding speeches?

Traditionally it's three: the father of the bride, the groom, and the best man. That's the classic line-up and plenty of couples still go with it.

But this year has been a proper mixed bag. We've had mothers of the bride, brides, two grooms, best friends, sisters, grandparents, you name it. Whoever you want, really. There's no official rota. If the person who knows you best is your nan, hand her the microphone.

How long should a wedding speech be?

About five minutes each. Whoever's on the microphone, the one thing that runs through every good speech I've ever filmed is that it isn't too long. Five minutes is enough to be funny, heartfelt and relevant, and short enough that your audience is still with you at the end.

I'm saying this with some feeling. I'm currently editing a wedding film where the father of the bride's speech is sitting at 14 minutes. And there are another 10 to go.

Twenty-four minutes. You could boil an egg six times in that. Meanwhile, the guests are hungry, Uncle Dave's on his third glass of fizz, and somebody at table seven has quietly started a game on their phone.

Father (or mother) of the bride: this isn't This Is Your Life

We all love a proud parent. But the room does not need to know that your beautiful daughter was born on the 14th of March at 3.42am weighing 7lb 2oz. Then grew up here, went to infant school there, then primary school, then secondary school, then university. First job. First car. First romance. First parking ticket.

No. Please, no.

Most of the people in that room are friends and family. They already know her. Some of them were at the christening. What they want to hear is you, telling your daughter (or son) how much you love them and how proud you are. A funny story or two, something warm, then raise a glass. That's the speech people remember, and it's the one that makes the dads in the audience reach for a napkin.

Best man (or best person) speech: it's not a roast

This one's for the best men, best women and best people of all kinds. Your speech is not your big chance to take the mickey out of the groom (or the bride) for ten solid minutes.

Nobody needs a rundown of his 15 previous girlfriends. Nobody needs to know how many times he's been engaged before. And whatever happened on the stag do, or the hen do, stays on the stag do. There's a reason it was in Prague and not in front of his new mother-in-law.

A bit of gentle teasing is fine, that's half the fun. Just keep it kind, keep it entertaining, and keep in mind that Granny is sitting right at the front.

The couple: say what they mean to you

If you're the bride or groom and you'd like to say something about your new husband or wife, go for it. Stand up and tell them how much they mean to you. It doesn't need to be polished or clever. Some of the best moments I've captured have been a few honest sentences from someone who isn't a natural public speaker at all.

Whatever your role on the day, the same thing applies. Make it fun, make it engaging, and don't feel it has to last 20 minutes. Five is great. Ten at an absolute push.

My top tip: do the wedding speeches before dinner

If you take one thing from this post, make it this. Do your speeches before the meal.

That way, whoever's speaking isn't sitting through three courses with a knot in their stomach, pushing their food round the plate and nervously topping up their glass. By the time the main course arrives they've done it, they can relax, and they actually get to eat their dinner (and enjoy a drink without it turning into four).

Everyone else gets to enjoy their meal too, and the evening flows straight on from there. Short speeches, before dinner. You'll thank me later.

And whatever you do, don't split them up between courses

Please, I'm begging you, never ever spread your speeches between the courses of your meal. For one thing, your venue and caterers will not thank you. "Oh, it'll only be five minutes," and then it's 20, and your main course is sitting on the pass drying out while Uncle Dave gets to his third anecdote. For another, spare a thought for your photographer and videographer. Dinner is our one chance in the day to sit down, have a drink, get something to eat and catch our breath, and we can't do that if we're jumping up every 15 or 20 minutes to catch the next speech. Just no. Please, just no.

And if you'd like those speeches captured on camera and film (all five minutes of them), get in touch. I photograph and film weddings across Suffolk, Norfolk and Essex.

Adam